Bullet For My Heart
by Jin-Chan16
Summary: It was supposed to be simple, right? I got to school, learn, get bored, and then go home. Why? Why on this day did it have to be so unnatural? Why did he bring that thing to school? Rated For Language, Blood, and Possible Rape. I own nothing!
1. Introduction

It was supposed to be simple, right? I got to school, learn, get bored, and then go home. Why? Why on this day did it have to be so unnatural? Why did he bring that thing to school?

It was normal, go to literature and learn whatever it is I need to. Miss some answers and get books thrown at me by Hiroku-sensei. Then go to lunch, then economics, then science, then home. Where I would cook, and clean, spend time with Usagi-san, and go to bed with him.

So why didn't it turn out that way? Why does something like this have to happen?

He came out of nowhere, he opened the door, pulled out a gun, and told us he would kill us if we did anything sneaky.

It was shiny, and dark, but it's anything but majestic or glorious. It was a weapon, a weapon that should've been used for defense, not aimless attack. But it happened, and there's nothing I can do now. Nothing except look down the barrel of this gun, and wait for death to take me.

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I'm a teacher, who has a passion for literature. I'm not meant to be a hostage in my own fucking classroom. Having my students threatened with bullets, it worst. I know this student, he's always writing angst. Always keeping to himself, I knew at some point this might happen. But whenever I tried to confront him about it he would brush me off.

So this is what I get…a bullet in my head for doing what I love to do. The only regret I have is…is not telling Nowaki I loved him before I left…I'm sorry…


	2. Guns Aren't Something to Play With

I felt the barrel touch my throat, I close my eyes scared. Scared to look at my soon to be killer. He laughed, laughed! Who laughs when you're about to kill someone?

I know him, Matsushita Kazuki. We've been acquaintances, almost friends since middle school. He was picked on a lot because he kept to himself, so whenever his lunch was taken away I would give him some of mine. Whenever he fell, or was tripped I would clean his wound or tell him that it'd be fine if he stayed strong. But I don't think threatening others with a gun is strong, if anything it's the weakest thing I've seen. Maybe that's why I'm so scared, I'm afraid, not of his strength but of the guns.

He leans down to my ear and whispers to me in almost a loving kind of way.

"Misaki-san, you know I really don't want to kill you. You where the most decent person here, it would be a shame to waste such a life," My breathe hitches when I feel the gun travel down from my throat to my chest.

"If you're a good boy, then I can walk away without having to shed any blood. But," He applies pressure to the left side of my chest, my heart. "If you act up, I'm going to kill you and all of your classmates." He grabs my hair roughly and makes me look at their scared faces. They all look afraid for their lives, afraid they won't go home after this.

"From this moment on," He declares loudly, "if any of you act up, Misaki-san will take the bullet for it. But if he acts up," He raises the bullet to them, "You ALL will die."

He picks me up by my arm, forcefully. "Now Misaki-san, I want you to sit down, and wait with Hiroku-sensei." He looks at the other students and aims his gun at them.

"All of you, go to next classroom. I have a friend waiting for you there, all except for Misaki-san and Hiroku-sensei will go."

The students begin to file out the door, he follows them making sure they do as he commands. It doesn't amaze me now, he used to be such a shy kid who was stepped on so often, now only because he holds a gun do they show him the respect he once deserved.

Once he's sure that they're gone he slams the door close and points the gun at us. "Get up," We both comply. He grabs our wrists and chains them together, after that he leads us out the door with his gun.

He opens the door quickly and shoves us inside. He slams the door, with more force than necessary and gets in on the driver side. He starts the car and pulls out before slamming on the gas.

Only one thought races through my mind, 'What's going to happen to us?'

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

He begins to speed off, me and Misaki both go back a little. I scoot a little closer to him.

"Misaki,"

He looks at me with wide, scared eyes, "H-hai, sensei?"

I look back at Kazuki, he's to concentrated on driving to notice. "When we stop, do exactly as he says until I say otherwise. Right now he has the upper hand here, so we can't endanger ourselves until we have that upper hand. He's obviously mentally ill, so if there's anything you can tell me…"

"He was picked on a lot in high school, by a lot of kids. His dad died of cancer when he was twelve and his mom's an alcoholic. I used to give him my lunch when the other kids took his, I guess that's why he…" He looked down then looked the kid with sympathetic eyes. It amazed me to know end. I mean who gives their might-be-killer a sympathetic look!

"I see, if you remember anything else tell me," I look back at the kid, "even the tiniest bit of information might save us."

~!~!~!~!~Usagi!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I walk through the front door, my back aches from having to stand so long. That must've been the longest interview I've had to deal with so far. I look at the clock, it's too early for Misaki to be home. I sigh in frustration and plop myself down on the couch, and turn on the TV.

'-In other news, we've just received a phone call saying that TU has been held in a hostage situation,'

TU, that's Misaki's university…

'Two hostages have been taken by a boy identified as Matsushita Kazuki. The two hostages have also been identified as Kamijo Hiroki, and Takahashi Misaki…'

Everything seemed to fade when I heard those words. Misaki. Misaki. Misaki.

My lover was at the hands of a mad man…and for once I couldn't do anything to save him…

~!~!~!~!~Nowaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I felt my blood run cold, Hiro-san was hostage!? No, no he…he couldn't be…

I fell back onto the wall, my blood rushing through my veins like a wildfire. My heart rate is probably up far more than it should. I run to the locker room and grab my coat and shoes before leaving, not even bothering to check out.

I run out to the street stopping a taxi, I told him to go to TU. My hands are shaking and my breath is uneven. The driver asks if I'm ok, I can't even respond. My heart feels like it's being squeezed.

Hiro-san, hold on for just a little while longer Hiro-san! I promise I'll save you, just hold on!

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Ok to clarify any confusion whatsoever, Hiro-san is not dead. Character death will be decided by the readers/reviewers, so any suggestions are allowed and I'll try to update as soon as possible.


	3. Readers

To all my lovely readers, who have given me they're lovely criticism and their most helpful advise. My friend, right now is in Juvenile, for a crime he did not commit. A crime that shouldn't be used as a cruel, sick joke.

Rape, is not, nor has it ever been a joke. It is serious and effects for lives than anyone knows. My friend, whose name will be used as K for minor protection, was not, nor has he ever made an attempt of rape.

Most of you might say that I don't have all the facts, which is a lie. I have the facts that are needed, I have more than one side. His ex-girlfriend, whose name will be used as J for minor protection, has charged my friend of rape. Now you might say that I don't have her side, but she admitted to several people that K did not rape her. Which might be the only truth she's told so far.

Though before her cruel, insignias act I would have thanked her dearly. J took K away from fighting and showed him a brighter light that I tried to show him where he once lived. He was happy, and even told me he loved her. His trust was betrayed when she screamed rape when she agreed to allow him to take her virginity.

A week later she was found with another man. I heard his voice over the phone when he told me that she was seeing another guy.

His voice was hurt, and you could hear the pain and anguish in it. I felt like crying because hearing someone cry like he did was the worst feeling yet.

Now he sits in juvenile awaiting his fate to be chosen by a jury. Who might sentence him to eight to ten years. K did not do such an act, nor would he even though he is capable and has the body of a soldier he has the heart and mind of a better man.

J still says that he did it, and is still going out with her current boyfriend. She has told some of her friends that what she said was a lie. That he didn't rape her.

So while I cry and write this, my fellow readers and authors please try to understand my pain right now, and forgive me if my stories come in a little late. I will reply to any review and try to update as soon as possible. Please don't be too angry or upset! I will try my hardest to write as much as I can, but please be patient for the time being.

With much appreciation,

Jin-chan13


	4. Hostages

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~Misaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Kazuki slams on the brakes, making us go forward a little. We stopped at some abandoned house. The windows are boarded up with wooden planks, and the door looks like it'll fall off it's hinges at any moment. Hell the whole house looks like it'll fall apart within minutes.

He unbuckles his seatbelt hurriedly and gets out, opening our door while he slams his shut.

"Get out," He orders us, he grabs me first, yanking me out then Hiroki-sensei. He puts the gun to my back, my legs shake as we walk inside. He slams the front door shut, and then unlocks the chain holding us together. He pulls out another set of handcuffs and bounds my hands together behind my back before doing the same to sensei. He orders me to sit down and wait before going to the back of the house with Hiroki-sensei.

I look around, everything looks old. From the beer and liquor bottles scattered around the living room going to the kitchen, to the cigarette butts in various places.

He came back down within a matter of seconds, looking at me with a cocky smirk. Kazuki sat next to me, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close. My body tensed against his, this seemed to please him since his smirk grew.

"Misaki-chan are you comfortable? I don't want my guest to be unsatisfied." He said leaning down closer to my face. One hand on my side, making sure I didn't get away, and another caressing my cheek.

"You know Misaki-chan, I've watched you for so long. I've known you though you may not know me well. I remember all the times those bastards would take my lunch, or trip me, or beat me up, you where always there. With a comforting word and a smile, you gave me reason to want to live. And I want to give you the kindness you have given me," Kazuki leaned down till his lips ghosted my own.

"N-Nani-" Before I could even attempt to protest his lips had covered mine. His tongue unwillingly invading my mouth, running over every inch of my mouth.

I felt sick with every swipe of his tongue, with every touch or nip, I felt like I was betraying Usagi-san. My heart ached, almost like when you beg for forgiveness to someone you hurt badly. Waiting to hear their answer that will either make or break you.

I felt him move away from me, relief washed over me only for a moment before I saw the smirk on his face. Again he leaned down to my ear and whispered in a husky voice, "My Misaki-chan, had I known you had tasted this good I would've done it long ago."

His breath smelled of cigarettes, but it was more rough, a mixture of alcohol and tobacco. I hissed in pain feeling him bite my neck with more force than I would've liked. He lapped at the small mark before sucking on it viciously. His hand rubbed my stomach and caressed the crotch of my pants. My breath hitched as he stroked me through my pants. My breathe came out in heavy pants, coming closer and closer to my unwilling climax.

My body shook and tensed before I came, making my thighs feel sticky and my body go limp. Kazuki just smiled smugly, like he had won a great victory. He pulled me up again and held me to his chest, like he was trying to comfort me. And for a moment I actually thought he was trying to comfort me, until he lightly nipped my neck.

The more actions he made the sicker I felt, like my stomach would just suddenly stop working. After a few minutes Kazuki stopped and pulled away, his arm wrapped around me.

"As much fun as I'm having, I have to put you away now Misaki-chan." He said petting my hair almost lovingly before roughly yanking me up. He practically dragged me across the hall to the other room. He grabbed my wrists and cuffed them tighter together before throwing me inside with Hiroki-sensei.

I fell to the floor face first, hitting the carpet with a thud. I heard him chuckle a little before shutting the door and locking it from the outside.

"Misaki…" Hiroki-sensei said a little uneasy.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I say dismissively, pushing myself onto my knees.

"What did he say? Did he hurt you at all?" Hiroki-sensei asked worriedly, I give him a reassuring look before I speak.

"His breathe smelled like alcohol so maybe he's drunk or something…" I sighed and then laid down, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"Go to sleep, I'll wake you up when he comes back," Hiroki-sensei said leaning against the wall. I nodded and rested my head against the wall, my eyes became heavier and heavier till I lost consciousness.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~Hiroki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

It was an hour or so before Kazuki came back, and by the sound of it he had brought friends. They didn't come near the door at first. It sounded as if they were just hanging around, talking. Then I heard what sounded to be a gunshot.

My heart raced as footsteps neared the door, coming closer and closer with every second. And before I can even wake Misaki the door opens, hitting the wall behind it with a bang.

"Hello again sensei,"

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Sorry to leave you guys with such a cliffy but I'll try to hurry and make the other chapter soon. As for K he's out of juvenile for the moment, the next court date is next month so I'll try to update as many stories as I can before then. And I'm very sorry if I hadn't answered anyone's review, but I've been busy with court and tests. So like I said I'll try to update, and again suggestions are welcome.


	5. Victims of The Hostages

"Hello again sensei," My eyes widened in surprise, that voice. Kiski Masahiro, and just like his name he had a prince-like complex. He was snobbish, manipulative, rich, and smart. He had everything, everything but what he wanted.

The only way I remember him was from his self absorbed attitude. He was so full of himself I kicked him out, but I had more reasons than just his attitude. He was failing even the simplest of things, a five hundred word essay or a small book report. He didn't like this idea so he vandalized parts of the school and was expelled.

Revenge is such an ugly thing, especially something this vicious. And still he has that same damn cocky look.

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~Misaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I don't know him, but he looks at me with a friendly look. He leans down and grabs me by my hair, yanking me up roughly. His eyes meet mine, he throws me to the ground like a rag doll before picking me up and doing it again.

Punches, and kicks leave bruises on my body and soon I find myself coughing up blood. He laughs bitterly before picking me up again and punching me in the stomach, leaving me breathless. I fall to my knees, still gasping for breath.

"See Hiroki-sensei, this your fault. Your fault for ruining my future, and now this poor kid has to suffer." He said before pulling me up again, "Don't worry Misaki-san, Kazuki has explained the situation to me. I can't do more than what I'm doing to you and sensei now. But I can't promise that this will end well," He throws me to the wall, my head bangs against it before I hear Hiroki-sensei call my name. Everything starts to become dark, and it feels like something is running down my head. The room turns sideways, the last thing I see is sensei, terrified and desperate.

!~!~!~!~!~!Usami~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

They told me they don't know where you are, that their trying. That's such a load of shit. I know their not, I bet they can so much more. It takes all that I can not to protest, or lose control.

I called your brother, he was down here in an instant. He was so shaken with the whole ordeal I thought he would have a heart attack at any moment. His wife was there to, she looked close to tears as well.

I called Nowaki for Hiroki, he was almost down here faster than your brother. I took them all back to our penthouse. I told them that the police were looking for you and Hiroki, and that you'd both be alright. You know those moments, when something amazing happens. You called them miracle moments, well that happened. They said that they could find you from your cell phone.

They found you only thirty miles away, they said they wanted us to wait. That they didn't want us to be there in case we found the worst case scenario. I bet you would've punched the guy that said that in front of your brother, because he looked ready to kill over.

I sent your brother and his wife to bed in the guest room. I wanted them to sleep so that when they woke up I could give them the news, instead of having them stay up all night doing nothing but worrying. Nowaki stayed up with me, we talked for hours. You probably would've laughed at how dramatic we were being.

!~!~!~!~Nowaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"Hiro-san…Hiro-san used to love you Usami-san. But I'm sure you had already figured it out. I helped him move on from you. I gave my love, and everything. I don't know why, but I should be thanking you. And that confuses me to no end…you hurt him. You made him cry and hurt, but…" Before I realize what's happening, I feel tears fall down my face.

"But you where the reason why I got him back. Why we became more than friends, we became lovers," I laugh I don't even know why. Hysteria probably. "I can't lose him now…not after that…not after falling this deep!" I slam my hands down, though I'm shaky and terrified, I manage to stand and talk.

"I love Hiro-san! And I'm not going to stop trying to find him! He won't die and neither will Misaki-san!" My eyes widen slightly when I realize that I'm yelling. I sit back down and take few deep breathes.

"Sorry, that was out of li-"

"No. You had every reason to yell, you need to let that frustration out before Hiroki comes home. I have to stay composed, for Takahiro's sake. He's taking this really hard, I'm sure that this is hurting him a lot more than it is me." Usami said, he looked distant for some reason. Like saying that was hurting him.

I'm not surprised, he is right though. If he falls apart then so will Takahiro, and god knows the outcome of that. But still I can't but to somewhat admire him in a way, he manages to stay composed and collect while the rest of us start to break down.

"Usami-san…does Takahiro-san know about your relationship with Misaki-san?"

He looked at me with a blank expression, his eye were dull and lifeless.

"No…no, we agreed that when the time was right we would tell him. But…if Misaki doesn't come home…Then I'll tell him." His tone matched expression, utterly void of emotion. I almost felt pity for him, his love was gone as well but he couldn't even say anything like I had been able to do moments ago.

"Usam-san…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so selfish before, I know you can't talk about you relationship with Misaki-san. I shouldn't have busted out like that."

He took a drag of his cigarette, blowing the silvery smoke into the air. "It's fine. But for now, all we have to hold onto is hope and faith. We can't assume the worst, but we have to be prepared for it. So if one or both of our lovers doesn't come back…be prepared for the hell we might have to go through."

For the first time I felt the realization that I wouldn't see Hiro-san, Kamijo Hiroki, ever again. And don't even know if I was ready for it.

* * *

Ok guys I wanted to add Usagi-san's and Nowaki's POV. So I hope you guys liked the chapter, kinda suckish if you ask me but I'm more concerned with your opinions. Please review.


	6. Torture

~!~!~!~!~!~Hiroki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Misaki was motionless, his face was pale and blank. Fear rose in me faster than the blood that was flowing in my veins.

"See Hiroki-sensei, he might die because of you," My eyes darted back to him, in his hand was the gleaming barrel of a gun. My heart began to beat louder and louder in my ears.

"Stop it," My voice was meek and small. He laughed, haha, he laughed! Why? Why because he was caught, because he was angry at his own stupidity. So he'll rage out on me, he'll shoot me because he fucked up! He waves the gun, pointing from me to Misaki. His voice rang in my ears. 'He might die because of you,'

"Stop it." My voice bolder a little louder this time. He looked at me, a sadistic smirk plastered on his face. He looked as if he was glad that he could kill us. That little shit, I bet he was just throwing around empty threats. No if so then he wouldn't have gone this far. Before say anything Kazuki comes back, his face was hard and angry. Roughly he told Masahiro to put the gun away or he'd had it shoved up his ass.

I almost laughed, but I was to overwhelmed with disgust to bother. Kazuki looked at me with a blank expression, we stood locked in a gaze for a moment or two before the silence was broken.

"Masahiro-san, hold down Hiroki-sensei. Don't hurt him unless absolutely necessary." Kazuki picked Misaki, who was finally coming out of his daze.

"Hiroki-sensei…what's going on?" Fear plastered itself on his face as Kazuki pushed him onto the bed behind him. At first I was puzzled, but after seeing Misaki's hands be tied to the posts of the bed, realization had hit me. I was in shock, not knowing if I should move or stay still. The sound of clothes tearing and Misaki's pleads brought me back. Already shed of his pants and shirt, then did I begin to scream.

"Leave him alone Kazuki! He's done nothing to you! Leave him be he's just a kid!" I scream as many protests that come to mind. I even offer myself in Misaki's place.

But it was in vein, my pleas were silenced by Misaki's pain filled screams. I watched helplessly as the boy infront of me was raped. Tear filled eyes looked at me, pleading me for help. Help they couldn't give, no matter what I did.

"It's your fault Hiroki-sensei," Masahiro whispered in my ear. "It's your fault that this poor boy is being scarred while you are sparred the pain of being torn in two." His voice is mocking, like a child holding a toy up higher from their younger sibling. All I could do was watch, while this boy was punished for my wrong doings.

My body shakes and trembles with fear, not of my own like but of his. What will happen to him after this? Will he be able to move on? Will he be able to live after this? Questions without answers fill my head, my eyes already stinging from anguishing tears.

"You're so selfish Hiroki-sensei, he's suffering but all you can do is cry. You can't even put up a fight for him. Just throw around useless words, I guess that's all literature teachers can do huh? Or is it all YOU can do?" His words are cutting me like a knife. I can't stop myself from shaking even more.

I look at Misaki, his eyes no longer pleading, but dead looking. I barely hear Kazuki groan as he comes onto Misaki, leaving his essence on the boy's stomach. After a few minutes of silence, I hear the door close. They left us alone for a little while.

I struggle to my feet, my hands still behind my back. I walk over to the bed, sitting on the edge I manage to put my arms in front of me. I pull on the sheet and began to clean the semen off of Misaki's stomach. It takes all I can not to break down in front of him, but I don't think he'd even notice. His eyes are distant and far off looking. What have they done to you, Misaki.

!~!~!~!~Misaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Pain throbs through my body, with every twitch or movement. Hiroki-sensei looks close to tears as he wipes the semen off my body. Not like it matters, it won't make me any cleaner. He runs a hand through my hair, begging me to say anything.

I push myself up into a sitting position. "Sensei…I'm fine. I'm fine." Even in my ears it sounds like I'm just trying to convince myself. Tears wet my cheeks as they flood down my face. Hiroki-sensei pulls me close and begins to rock me back and forth like what a mother would do to a child to calm them down. My eyes sting, my body throbs, and my mind is ready to shut down.

He continues for a little while longer, I feel safe for a moment. My eyes begin to drupe shut, I snap them awake, willing myself not to fall asleep. Fearing that the nights events will happen again in my dreams. The pain of being torn into, the disgust of being used.

I feel like a used and broken doll. Everything feels so surreal, and distant as my mind becomes foggy and dark. The last thing I remember is feeling Hiroki-sensei's hands running through my hair, telling me we'd be alright before the darkness finally took over.

_-_-_Misaki-Dream_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I open my eyes and find myself in Usagi-san's penthouse. I look around, everything's a mess, plates piled up in the sink. Wasted food on the counter, broken glasses everywhere, empty cigarette packets and cigarette butts lay scattered everywhere.

"Why Misaki?" A turn around and find Usagi-san standing at the bottom of the stairs in his usual attire. His face blank except for the disgusted look in his eye.

"Usagi-san," I run up to him and hug him tightly, only to be pushed away. I look at him, confused, since when did he deny me.

"Don't touch me whore." I flinch at the sharp tone of his voice. His eyes now glaring down at me fiercely.

"Whore? U-Usagi-san…I-I'm Misaki…remember? We're lover-"

"We are passed lovers Misaki. You became a whore to your capture and now you expect me to welcome you with open arms? What kind of man do you honestly think I am? I may love you but I won't be walked on my some whore!" His eyes now enraged.

"Usami-san what's wrong…" I look up and find Takahiro looking down at us.

"Nii-chan! Nii-chan I'm glad to see you!" I run passed Usagi-san and to my brother. He steps away from me, his face blank as well.

"Misaki, what are you doing here?" Takahiro asked, his voice void from any emotions. Misaki looked at him hurt and confused.

"I…I'm here to be with you brother. You and Usagi-san." I try to touch his shoulder but he moves away.

"You're not my brother," Takahiro's voice suddenly cold and sharp. "My brother wouldn't have made a whore of himself when he was in a life or death situation! My brother wouldn't have let someone die carelessly!" Takahiro's voice rises in volume.

"Takahiro calm down," Usagi-san pushes me away and holds my brother tight, pecking him on the lips in the process.

"Usagi-san! Don't do that to Nii-chan! He's-"

"Shut up Misaki!" Usagi-san says angrily, "Such an uncaring brother you have Takahiro. If you where a good brother you would know that he has been divorced for some time now and hasn't wanted to talk about it." I stare at him dumbfounded.

"S-S-So y-you t-t-tw-two are…" Usagi-san smirks at me smugly before pressing my brother's lips against his gently.

"Yes we're together now Misaki." My heart runs cold before I wake up.

_-_-_-_-_-_-End Dream_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I wake up feeling my body be shaken almost violently, my body shoots up in shock. My body is covered in cold sweat, my breathing is ragged and uneven.

"Misaki?" I look at Hirkoi-sensei with frightened eyes. "Misaki what's wrong?" After a few moment's I manage to calm down a little.

"I…I won't let you die. I won't let you die. I won't let you." That seems to be the only phrase I can get out, between my thudding heart and my racing thoughts.

"I won't let you die." Is the last thing I say while holding onto him tightly.

I hope this is a little longer than the other chapters. I like it in my own opinion. I think it was done a lot better than the last one. Please review.


	7. Found but Still Lost

~!~!~!Hiroki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I fell asleep with Misaki huddled next to me, when I woke up I heard heavy footsteps coming closer and closer. When the door opened Kazuki glared at me, he took out the gun again and told me to move. I felt bold all of sudden and told him no, that I wouldn't let him hurt Misaki again.

This resulted in me being punched to the ground, he kicked me in my ribs hard enough for me to lose my breath and crumble to the ground. He sneered at me and got on the bed with Misaki before called Masahiro in. He told him to hold me down and make me watch again.

Misaki was awaken roughly and the torture he had gone through the night before, was repeated once more. Again I had seen the pleading fear in his eyes, and again I was useless to help him.

"Are you enjoying it Hiroki-sensei? Are you enjoying watching this kid being punished? Knowing that you can't do anything at all to help him. Would you if you could? Would you help him? No. No you would run with your tail between your legs. You would run away and allow this innocent kid to be punished." I tried so hard to block out his voice. To block out the growing guilt.

"Shut up!" I yelled as I began to struggle violently. I thrashed around and tried to hit him with the back of my head. But all my struggles, all my attempts to escape where in vein.

He grabbed me by my hair and kept my eyes on the scene before me. Misaki was struggling as well, moving his body in a jerking motion to get away. Kazuki just continued to thrust violently into him, blood stained the sheets from under them, as he held him down firmly.

After what seemed like hours Kazuki again came on Misaki, staining his stomach with semen again.

~!~!~!~!Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

I was shaken awake roughly, only to be pushed down to the bed again. Fear tore its way into me, as did Kazuki. I screamed in agony of being again torn into, he doesn't give me time to adjust as he begins to thrust into me brutally. I feel my skin tear as his thrusts increase, blood runs down my thighs as this torture continues.

He kissed me, hard on the lips, his tongue shoves into my throat to silence my screams and quiet them into painful whimpers. His hands hold me down as I try to struggle, pushing upward in a pitiful attempt to get him off. He pulls away and leans down to my ear, whispering to me in what should have been comforting way.

"Misaki-chan, I love you. Usami-san won't when you go back, but I will always love you. Always, and even after they find me, I'll find you again. I'll always find you, Usami-san won't touch you, without the memory of me coming back."

He thrusts deeper, my body convulses as we both come. He groans and pulls out, spilling his essence on my again. I try to catch my breath, my body shaking in fear and disgust. He kisses the tears away on my face, and nuzzles my neck.

"I love you, Misaki." Before I know it he and Masahiro have left. Hiroki-sensei managed to get up and wipe the semen away for me again. We both fall asleep, both exhausted from the events that happened not even minutes ago.

We wake to the sound of wood breaking and storming feet. The door opens, but this time it's a man in a police uniform. He picks me up and carries me to the car outside where other police officers swarm around the house. Hiroki-sensei and I are put in the backseat of one car, they tell us they'll take us to the police station and let us call home.

Home.

I didn't really know if I had one anymore. Would Usagi-san let me back? Would he still love me even though I've been used? And what about Nii-chan? What would he say?

~!~!~!~!~!Hiroki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

As we enter the police station, I have Misaki following me from behind. We were taken to a small area where they allow us to call, I tried the home phone first and get the answering machine. I tried Nowaki's cell and got an immediate answer.

"Hello?"

"Nowaki?"

"Hiro-san! Where are you? Are you alright?" He asks me more questions till I finally tell him to let me talk.

"Nowaki, I'm at the police station. I'm fine alright. Where are you though, I tried the home phone and no one answered."

"I'm at Usami-san's house. Usami-san, and Takahiro-san and his wife are here as well. We've been waiting to hear from you and Misaki-san. Where is he, is alright as well." Guilt again rushes through me. I don't answer.

"Could you or someone come pick us up please." My voice is shaking, my eyes fill with tears.

"Hiro-san, are you alright? Hiro-san-"

"Just pick us up," I hang up the phone and go back to Misaki. He shakes and trembles, his eyes are covered by his hair.

"Misaki?" I try to touch his arm but he moves away quickly.

"He won't love me anymore." He says finally.

"What?" I ask as I step closer.

"Usagi-san won't love me anymore. I'm used and broken, he won't love me anymore. He'll think I'm a whore. A-And Nii-chan…Nii-chan won't love me either…They'll hate me. They'll hate me." He continues his small rant and shakes violently. I take another step.

"Usami-san won't hate you Misaki. He won't turn his back on you for something that you couldn't help! You think he'll hate you, he and Nowaki will be angered at me for not doing anything!" I let the words escape my lips. Finally the tears that I held back for so long, for so long finally fall.

Misaki turned to me, his eyes where blank and emotionless. As if forcing himself, he lightly wraps his arms around me. I do the same and we cried in that small room, letting out our suppressed fear, our pent up anger, our animosity of the whole ordeal and what would happen came out as well. And by the time Nowaki and Usami-san came and took us home, we were already asleep. Sleeping off the horrors of what had happened, and what would happen.

* * *

Ok then, well I worked really hard on this and I hope you guys like it. The next chapter will take place at Usami-san's house during this time. So please review so I can update sooner.


	8. Pain

~!~!Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

When I woke up I found myself, not in the uncomfortable, lumpy bed, but somewhere softer, warmer. I opened my eyes to find myself not in the old, cheaply decorated guest room I had been in for days, but instead the child like, toy filled room that belonged to Usagi-san. I looked to my left and found Usagi-san sleeping next to me. I felt relaxed and comfortable, my tense muscles that had made sleeping difficult, where now relaxed and calm.

I looked over at the clock, seven twenty six. I pushed myself up and walked downstairs to the kitchen, I found it surprisingly clean. I went to the fridge and pulled out eggs, rice, Onegai, and other things to make a Japanese breakfast.

It didn't take long before I had everything set out, takoyaki (1) onigiri (2) and warm soba (3). Before long Nii-chan comes down, surprised to see me up so early.

"Misaki? What are you doing up so early, it's Sunday isn't it?" He asks as he takes a seat in one of the chairs. "Yes, but I usually get up around this time anyway. I figured I'd make breakfast for everyone while I was up." I say while I began to put some of the takoyaki on the plates.

"Do you need any help?" He asked getting up, I told him no and continued with what I was doing.

Before long everyone had come down, even Usagi-san. I set the plates in front of them with the reluctant help from my brother. I wish he wouldn't help, it makes me feel like a child again.

Breakfast went by quietly, apparently Nii-chan's wife had gone home, wanting to give him and I some time together. Afterwards I had taken the dishes to the sink to clean them, when Usagi-san had wrapped his arms around me. At first I didn't mind but then the memory of Kazuki came back, the way he had snaked his arms around me when he…he…

I didn't know what happened for a minute till I found myself on the floor shaking, violently. I rocked back in forth to try and calm my nerves down.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~Usagi-san!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I wrapped my arms around him, seeing him so tense and nervous like almost frightened me. But the reaction wasn't the same as usual. He didn't move or protest, no he shook violently in my arms. He began to beg me to let go, to not to hurt him anymore, to go home.

I didn't know what to think of it, I pulled away and tried to catch him as he crumbled to the floor. His eyes where wide, and frightened, far off looking. Takahiro and the others came in, Hiroki pushed them away and wrapped his arms around Misaki and rocked with him. That was the first time I saw him act so caring and gentle, in a motherly kind of way.

Misaki's breath was ragged, and short. His eyes where wide, and dilated, as if he was being tortured. His hands were shaking terribly, as was his body.

After a little while Hiroki had managed to take Misaki upstairs and get him to rest. He sat us down and told us he would explain everything, but ignorance is bliss and knowledge is torture.

~!~!~!Hiroki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I sighed as I began to explain, I told them about his torture, about the hell he went through. I told them that I only heard, and saw the effects of it. I told them about us being chained up, and about his hell. I avoided every question having to do with myself.

His brother, Takahiro , was pale and had pained look, like someone was driving a nail into his chest. Akihiko was as I expected, angered only to cover up sorrow. His hair covered his eyes, and his hands shook with animosity. Nowaki was still, and tried to give Takahiro comfort the best he could.

We left later that night, and when we got home Nowaki just held me. I was confused at first, but then I realized that tears where cascading down my eyes.

"I watched…I watched as he was raped Nowaki," The words tumble out of my mouth. He holds me tighter.

"Hiro-san,"

"I watched Nowaki. And I couldn't do ANYTHING!" I push him away and turned the opposite direction while hugging myself.

"Hiro-san, it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done-"

"I WATCHED! I did NOTHING! I could have done SOMETHING!" I yelled turning back towards him, all the emotions, all the angst, all the guilt, all the self pity was finally spewing out. "I could've done something, instead of just sat there and watched! I could have fought them, struggled more, screamed louder, I could have done fucking something! Instead of just sat there and watched even when he begged for help, or screamed in pain! I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!!" I fell to my knees, my shoulders heaving with every sob.

Nowaki put him arms around me and began to rock me, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, till all I could do was fall asleep. Curled up in his arms, and clinging onto him for dear life, and for a moment, for a simple moment. When he said 'I love you,' was then when I truly felt safe.

~!~!~!Takahiro~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Raped. My brother, my little brother was raped. And all the while, while he was suffering, I just stood by. I did nothing, all I did was mope and be frightened of his death. But never did I think that he would be tortured in such an inhumane way. Never did I think that he would have been hurt so deeply, or scarred so severely. What had he done to deserve something as cruel as that.

I watched him sleep, almost guarding him as he twisted and turned. I woke him up when the nightmares became too violent. I held him as he cried, wiping away his tears and telling him that he'd be alright. But I myself didn't know if that was the truth, he had been hurt and scarred so brutally. How was I supposed to know what to say to him?

Just tell him he'd be ok and that if he stayed strong it would pass? I doubt that something so blunt and direct would work. Akihiko told me that he would take the night shift of watching my brother, so now as I lay in my bed, staring at the pale ceiling. All that I can think about is what's next?

~!~!~!~!Usami~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Misaki flew up again from another nightmare, his breathing again ragged and his face sticky with sweat. I held him in my arms, shushing him when he tried to apologize for waking me up. It's not like I mind, I want to comfort him, to hold him and protect him.

I want to face his fears with him, I want to help him get better. He holds onto my shoulders, his head buried in my chest and my arms wrapped around his petite, almost frail frame. He shakes and trembles against me, I rub his back in a soothing way, trying to calm him down for a little while.

And for a little while he will rest, and then wake up again to find that his nightmares are not true. And that he is still safe with me, in my arms.

* * *

1=a grilled/baked ball with octopus meat, flour, egg and water (and usually a brown sweet sauce poured over the top.) It's a popular light snack food in Japan, usually served from street stands

2=molded rice with various fillings such as tuna, salmon, natto, mint or plum. They're often wrapped in seaweed, and are usually triangle shaped.

3=Buckwheat noodles, made of soba-ko (Buckwheat flour) and Komugi-ko (wheat flour). It comes in dried bundles and can be served hot or cold, with a soy dipping sauce on the side. . Soba noodles are about as thick as spaghetti, and have a slightly nutty taste.

Ok thank you everyone for your lovely reveiws! I don't think I did too well on this one, but that's for you to decide. Please reveiw.


	9. Plans Of Coping

Sorry guys, last chapter was very suckish and I know you weren't satisfied with it. All the same thank you for your helpful reviews. This chapter hopefully will make up for the crappy chapter I made. I would like to apologize for the tardiness of this chapter, it's been a bit dramatic here. But life isn't easy and I must bare it, so I will try and get started on the next chapter.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~Nowaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Hiro-san slept restlessly in my arms, his face pained and hurt. I kiss the top of his head once more trying to soothe the nightmares that have haunted him. He stills, if only for a minute or two before he begins to whimper and squirm. He begs for his nightmares to stop whatever they're doing, to leave a victim alone, or to let him go. And the more he begs the more he cries, my heart becomes if possible, dark in a way.

Hiro-san, believes that he can't save anyone. He even tried to leave me, I came home and he was about to walk out the door with a suitcase. It took some convincing but he stayed, but now it is my heart, and my mind that grow dark. I know he's vulnerable, but seeing him hurt and struggle like he is, is almost too painful to watch.

He's done everything that he can to take the pain away, obviously that's not helping anymore. I woke up early so I could make a call. An old friend from the orphanage, he should help. And hopefully, hopefully I will be able to get my Hiro-san back.

~!~!~!~!~!Hiroki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I woke up to the smell of cooking eggs, and burnt toast. Reluctantly I manage to push myself up and get dressed. Just a some jeans and a T-shirt, nothing special. When I go into the living room, I find Nowaki already at the table, everything set out and made.

"Hiro-san, are you hungry?" He asks setting another plate out. I just nod, my stomach agreeing with me, growling lightly. My face turns a light red, making me turn my head so Nowaki doesn't see. But luck doesn't agree with me. He kisses my forehead and leads me to the table.

Breakfast was peaceful, and quiet, and everything had seem forgotten. Once I finished I put my plate in the sink and went to get dressed.

"Hiroki, we need to talk," I stop, only in a serious occasion does Nowaki ever call me by my name. I turn to him, slightly scared of what I might see. He keeps his gaze on the table, not looking at me till I sit down.

"Hiro-san, I think…I think you should see a therapist," A moment of silence follows, we stare at each other for what seems like hours.

"…w-what?" My voice is disbelieving, hell I _can't_ believe it. A therapist! What the hell would _that_ do?!

"I don't need to see a therapist, I'm fi-" My convedence is crushed when he looks up at me with serious eyes.

"No, you need to see one. See someone, talk to someone, let out the pain you've felt these past days,"

"I'm not in pain Nowaki! I feel guilty, and I'm working on it! I don't need to see anyone!"

"So what's going to happen when you can't take that guilt anymore Hiro-san? What will you do when you feel that it's too much to bare? What will I tell your mother when I come home and find you dead?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He reaches for my wrist and before I can pull it away he already has it to where he can see it.

"I'm not blind Hiroki, nor am I stupid. I know you need to see someone, and I will help you with everything you need to get better. But," He pulls me close, burring his face in my shoulder. "But I don't want to lose you. I love you so much, so damn much Hiro-san. Please, please see someone."

I feel wet droplets fall on my shoulder, Nowaki shook against me, his arms wrapped around me tightly. I did the same and wrapped mine around him, holding him against me. Soon we were both crying, and we were promising changes, swearing loving truces.

"Nowaki…I…I'll go see someone," I didn't want to, I didn't want to tell some stranger my problems. But if this would make Nowaki smile again, and make him feel better I think I could take a chance.

~!~!~!~!~!Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

'Even after they find me, I'll find you again. I'll always find you,' Those words, repeated in my mind. That pain, made me shudder to the core in fear. Those eyes…brought back all the more painful horrid memories. Was this punishment from the gods? Was it because I caused the accident, is it my time to suffer like Nii-chan has?

I can't let them down, Nii-chan or Usagi-san. I can't let them down, I can't. I have to move on, whether I want to or not. It's no longer a question about me, but them. They were worried and they were hurt, so I can't mope and I can't lay around. I have to be strong and lock these feelings away, they'll pass, and I'll get over it. And all will be forgotten.

"Misaki?" I look up and find Usagi-san staring down at me, worried. I smile as warmly as I can.

"Hai, I'll start on dinner," I walk passed him quickly into the kitchen. "Nii-chan, what do you want for dinner?" I call as I start to pull out some utensils and food.

"Ah, Misaki that's fine. I'll make dinner tonight-" I just smile and tell him that it'd be fine. He looked a little concerned. But by the time dinner was ready I forgot about it, but just for a moment.

Dinner was peaceful, Nii-chan said that he would have to leave soon since his job was becoming demanding. I told him that it would be fine and that I would be ok, he didn't look convinced at all. He told Usagi-san that he would call regularly to check on me, gods I'm not a child. I…I have to get over it…whether it…hurts or not, I can't let people act so attentive around me. Like I'm some fragile porcelain doll.

~!~!~!~!~!~!Usagi-san~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

When Misaki had gone to bed, Takahiro wanted to talk to me, he made it sound like it was a life or death situation.

"Usami-san, I don't…I don't think Misaki should stay here," That had thrown me off completely. I thought we decided that he would stay as long as he could check in regularly.

"I know what he's thinking right now. He's trying to get over it, to forget it, when really it's eating him away. He doesn't want people to worry about him, or to care for him. He wants to please people, so he puts up a mask to cover his pain. He did it when he was little, so that our relatives didn't worry about us. I guess he figures that if he lies to everyone, he'll eventually believe his own lies. But Misaki needs help, he needs to talk to someone. And it's not going to be us, he wouldn't want to pour his troubles onto others. So for now, I think he should come home for a little while. So he knows that he's not alone in this," By the time he's done, I've already pulled out a cigarette.

"He is home…" I mumble, "I'll let him decide, he's an adult now Takahiro. You can't force this onto him, he'll talk when he's ready." He looks at me with false anger, but really he knows I'm right.

But then, I also know that he's right as well. Takahiro left before ten, saying that he needed to get home. I would talk with Misaki the following morning, but I don't know if the gods would be on my side or not. All I can do right now is hope.

~!~!~!~Kazuki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

I told you I would find you, I told you I would always be with you. The only problem that's standing in my way is the man in the window. Usami-san, Misaki will be mine. The only problem now, is how to dispose of you?

* * *

Ok I hope this makes up for the tardiness and the last crappy chapter. Please reveiw so I can update sooner otherwise no one will ever know what Kazuki does to Usagi-san and Misaki!


	10. Remember

Oh my GOD! 50+ reviews, I wasn't even expecting this to make thirty! Holy bloody mary!

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!Time Skip Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

A month has passed, I've gone back to school finally. Usagi-san wasn't so keen about it, he looked like he was against it completely. But I went back, Sumi-senpai was really glad to see me, he said he didn't want me to be hurt. That would be like Sumi-senpai.

Everyone seemed relieved to see me back, the students would ask how I was doing, and the teachers would squeeze my shoulder lightly when we had a test that I wasn't here for. It was weird, I told them all that I was fine. I would smile when I did so, they looked almost sad when they said that it was good.

But life went on, I made up all my make-up work, and tests. Hiroki-sensei was back when I was, he would watch me and constantly ask me if I was alright. I would do what I did with everyone, smile and say that I was alright. Maybe that's what got me here, sensei made me stay after school. He said that we needed to talk.

"Why did you ask me to stay, Hiroki-sensei?" I would rather be a little blunt right now sense beating around the bust would just annoy him. He sighed and looked at me sternly.

"Misaki, I was there remember. I saw everything that happened, and I'm still not over it completely. So how the hell, could you be, after a month." I think my heart skipped a beat.

"We've both been through a traumatic event, we've both been through hell. And our hell was only a month ago. I've gotten help, I'm trying to get over…" He looked down and touched his wrist, rubbing it like he was trying to soothe a burn.

"Sensei…Nii-chan, Usagi-san, and others have told me that I need to get help. That I need to talk to someone, that it's unhealthy to keep everything bottled up. But I'm fine, I don't want nor do I need to talk to anyone. If I want to talk to someone, then I will. But as of right now I don't, I want to forget but it's becoming hard when everyone keeps bringing it up," Before I realize it, my hands are shaking and my eyes are stinging. Why won't they let me forget, that's all I want.

I want to forget what happened, forget the pain, the smile that sent chills down to my core. The eyes that pierced through my soul. The hands that touched, violated me in the most indecent way.

By the time I snap out of my memories, I find myself shaking all over.

"Misaki…"

"No, no I-I need to go. I need to go," I grab my bag and run out the door, Hiroki-sensei calling my name as I run faster. I slam into something, not hard as much as firm. And before I can fall, two arms wrap around me. I open my eyes, I can't see the person but I guess it was Usagi-san since behind him was the red sports car.

We stayed like that for a little while, till my shaking had ended. Usagi-san leaned downed, his breathe tickling my ear. The shaking started all over again, when the rough voice told me the sentence that would haunt me for a lifetime.

"I told you I would find you,"

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~Hiroki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I sighed, and let Misaki continue to run, hey he would stop eventually. If I was right Akihiko was probably outside waiting for him.

I went back to my desk to finish grading papers when I hear a loud clicking out. I turn and find my worst nightmare staring back at me.

"Hello Hiroki-sensei, miss me?" My heart thudded against my chest, his eyes stared at me menacingly. He grinned as he aimed the gun at me.

"Don't worry sensei, I don't plan on killing you yet. I want you to pay for putting me in jail. And I'll make sure to prolong it as long as possible."

~!~!~!~!~!~!Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Kazuki threw me into the back seat of the car, slamming the door before I could even protest. He slammed on the gas, making me thrust back into the car seat. We drove for a little while before he slammed on the breaks, making the rubber tires squeal against the concrete road.

"Don't cause a scene, Usami-san is in the apartment tied up. He won't be harmed unless you disobey me. If under any circumstances you run, I will kill Usami-san. If Usami-san tries to get help I will kill both of you. If someone comes in, act as if I'm a friend or the person will die. I've explained these rules to Usami-san, he knows what to do, and what not to do. When we get out you will act normally, we are normal friends, and we are going to your apartment. Is that clear?" He said turning back to me, his eyes where threatening, telling me not to disagree.

I nodded, my body shaking violent. He got out of the car and slammed the door shut before opening my door. I got out, forcing my body to try and stay under control. I did as he said and acted normally, we went to the penthouse. My eyes widen at the scene, my blood felt cold, my heart stopped for a slit second.

The living room as in disarray, the cushions where thrown carelessly around. The glass coffee table had been tipped over and shattered, making glass go everywhere. Several Suzuki bears had been slashed, the dinner table was knocked over along with the chairs. The kitchen floor was covered with silver ware, knives, forks, spoons, pots, pans every utensil was in the floor. Plates and bowls where lost as well, shattered on the floor, making the mess look all the more chaotic.

I found Usagi-san tied up on the stairs, his right temple bleeding. His wrists where bound painfully to the rails with metal cuffs that dug into his skin, making blood seep through the metal.

"C-Ca-Can I go s-see i-f-f he's ok?" I ask shakily, my hold body trembled. Kazuki nodded, I rushed towards Usagi-san, touching his temple gently.

"I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry U-Us-Usagi-san," I said as tears sprung from my eyes, immediately cascading down my face.

The click of the gun made me freeze, I turned back towards Kazuki. His eyes were locked on me, cold, unforgiving dark eyes glared down at me.

"Don't get comfortable," He raised the gun, a sadistic smile had spread across his face, "The fun has just begun."

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Ok so I hope this is good, I'm not so sure about it. I wanted to be as descriptive as possible. Thank you all for your lovely reviews, please review so I can update more!


	11. The Begining Of The End

Holy bloody mary people~! Do you like it THAT much? Oh well, as long as you guys are happy, I'm happy!

~!~!~!~!~Hiroki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I turn to run but before my feet can move twice, Masahiro tackled me to the ground. Soon we begin to wrestle, trying to beat the other person. Soon, I manage to push him off, I ran to the door trying to get away from him. I open the door but hit something firm, I looked up and saw Nowaki looking down at me in shock.

"Hiroki-sensei, I'm not done with you yet," Masahiro said standing up. He moves his hand to aim the gun again, but then his eyes widen when he sees Nowaki. His mouth twists into a sadistic smile.

"So, this is Nowaki. I remember you mumbled his name when you slept. I guess, I should kill him first, it wouldn't be that much fun with him still alive. He would just get in the way, but don't worry, you'll see him soon," He raised the gun, aiming for Nowaki's head.

The last thing I remember was the lock crack of the gun going off. Then screaming, I remember pushing Nowaki. Afterwards everything had gone black.

~!~!~!~!~Misaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Kazuki picked me up by my hair before smacking me across the face, making me fall facedown on the floor.

"Forgive me Misaki, I don't want to hurt you. If anything I want to love you, but you need to know that I won't let your relationship with Usami-san to continue." He says turning back to Usagi-san, "He's mine, do you hear me! All mine! I won't let you take him again!" He stalks over towards me, again picking me up but this time, kissing me forcefully.

I resisted as much as possible, pushing and struggling as much as I could till I finally got him away. Before I could take another step I felt a strong force knock me down. I looked up at Kazuki, his eyes where fierce and angry. He picked me up by my shirt.

"Don't you dare, run away from ME!" He punched me in the gut, making me lose my breathe. I fell to my knees, faintly hearing Usagi-san screaming at him.

"Don't worry, Usami-san, I'll make sure not to kill him." Again he picked me up, kissing me again. I allowed his tongue in, afraid of what would happen if I denied him again. My body was trembling, my eyes where stinging. When he finally pulled away, a string of salvia connecting him to me.

He pulled me close, holding me like a lover would. I felt sick and disgusting as his hand made its way into my pants. I felt like crying as he violated me all over again.

"Stop…" I whimpered, "Please, stop it…" He brought his lips to my neck, kissing me tenderly. What would make someone moan from the tender feeling, made me sob. I looked at Usagi-san, mouthing an apology, his eyes looked hurt, and frightened.

Finally when Kazuki pulled away, I tried not to sigh in relief. He turned to Usagi-san, a triumphed smirk plastered on his face.

"See Usami-san, he's mine!"

"Shut your goddamn mouth! It's against his will!"

There was a silence, Kazuki didn't move neither did Usagi-san. Neither spoke, but the silence was broken by Kazuki's laughter. He laughed loudly, doubling over as his shoulders heaved.

"A-Against h-his will? D-Do you ho-honestly hahahaha t-think I c-care?" Soon his laughter died down, and a wide, sickly grin was plastered on his face.

"But since you brought the subject up, would you like to see what was against his will?" He turned to me, smiling evilly.

Before either of us could make a move, Kazuki had thrown me to the ground. I turned to try and move away, but he had gotten on top of me, straddling my waist. He pinned my hands above my head, while he began to lick and suck my neck. I writhed and struggled against him, trying my hardest to get away.

"Shhh, Misaki, it'll be just like before," My heart could've jumped out of my chest in fear. His hand, cold and hard, slid up my shirt, playing with my nipples. Pulling them painfully, then rubbing them soothingly. Tears already began to leak out of my eyes, he licked them away before tearing my shirt off, throwing it across the room carelessly.

Kazuki began to lick my chest, and bite down painfully hard on my nipples. I bit my lip to try and silence my scream. His hand traveled down my chest and to my pants, yanking them off with no hesitation. He shoved his hand into my boxers and forced me into another erection. He pulled my boxers off and placed himself near my entrance.

"Stop it, please stop it," I sobbed as he began to push himself inside me. Everything began to come back, the first time he raped me, to when he kidnapped me. Everything felt like a blur, his thrusts that where usually so painful, so brutal, I honestly thought that I was going to die from pain, where numb. His words, that cut me so deep, like a blade going through flesh, where now sounded mumbled. And before I could bring myself to reality, he had finally come.

I turned my head, slightly, looking up at Usagi-san. His eyes where shut, and tears had obviously run down his face. His jaw was set, so he wouldn't let out his cries.

Kazuki stood up, his pants back on and buckled. He looked at me, smirking smugly before turning to Usagi-san.

"He's mine now," Kazuki raised his gun, aiming it at Usagi-san. "Don't worry Usami-san, this is your end,"

For a second I thought I was floating, my feet felt so light. And before I could stop myself I had grabbed the nearest thing to me. Everything felt so overwhelming, the rape, the anxiety, the pain, the guilt, the disgust, everything. Why? What did I do? What did I ever do to feel this way? Why me? Why? Why? Why!?

I pushed myself up as he put his finger on the trigger. I raised my weapon, high above my head, tackling him to the ground.

BANG!

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Sorry the Egoist was so short, I'll try to make it longer next chapter. I hope no one had panic attacks, that's what kinda worried me. Ok so review please!


	12. Revenge and Then Some

~!~!~!~!~Nowaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"Hiro-san! Hiro-san! HIRO-SAN!" I scream over and over again, his blood pooling around his body. The bullet hit his back, I can't tell if it hit his spinal cord or not. The boy ran away quickly before I could stop him, I grab Hiro-san's phone and call nine one one.

"Hello, Nine one one, what's your emergency?" A monotone voice says.

"Hiro-san, Hiro-san's been shot! Help please, please oh god help! H-He's b-bleeding a lot…oh god," I cover my mouth so I don't vomit.

"Sir where are you at?"

"I-I'm at T-TU, I-I came t-to pick Hiro-s-san up an-and this kid…" My body shakes all over, my heart accelerates dangerously.

"Sir, an ambulance is on the way. They'll be there soon-" I shut the phone off, and crawl to Hiro-san. I pull him close, his blood staining my hands and shirt.

"N-Nowaki…" He murmurs, his voice hoarse and raspy.

"I-It's ok Hiro-san," I tell him through my tears. "T-The ambulance, i-is on the way. Y-Y-You'll b-be fine, you'll g-get through this." I kiss his forehead. His hand, grabs my shirt and lightly pulls on it.

"N-Nowaki…if I-I…d-die, d-don't…don't th-think…tha…that I didn't love y-you..." Some of my tears fall on his pale face, his hazel eyes turning darker.

"I-I love you…Hiro-san," I brush his hair from his face, looking into his eyes clearly.

"I l-l-ove you…t-too, Nowaki…" His grip loosens till it falls slack at his side. My chest heaves, I pull him closer, burring my face in his chest. His body smelt like rain, and usually warm skin was becoming colder.

"I love you, Hiro-san," I say one more time, kissing him on the lips, tasting his sweet lips on mine. They where soft, and still a little warm.

The paramedics came bursting in, they quickly took him from my arms, hooking him up on IV's and blood packets. They let me ride with them, and I watched Hiro-san, from the time we left to the time we went into the E.R. I couldn't do anything, my body was frozen, and my mind was blank. I left Hiro-san in the hands of fate, because I knew…I knew that I couldn't medically perform on him. It would be too painful, to hurt him, to inject IV's into him and to do tests and give blood to him. That would be too painful, so if I am to be called a coward, I guess I can't deny it now.

I was too afraid, to perform on him and watch him die because of me. He's already a bullet, but I can't be the one to cause anymore pain for him.

~!~!~!~Misaki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I pushed him down and shoved my weapon onto him, a knife. It pierced his skin, and tore into his shoulder. My hand was shaking as I yanked it out, I stared at him. His eyes where frightful, and scared. The rage, I had built up for so long came out in waves.

_He_ raped me.

_He_ tortured me.

_He_ hurt me.

_He humiliated_ me.

He raped me in front of Usagi-san.

_He_ scarred me.

_He _haunted me.

_He ruined everything_.

I raised the knife again and stabbed him again in the shoulder. I repeated it again, and again, and again.

"You raped me, you embarrassed me, you tortured me, you haunted me, you did everything to ruin me inside out. But it wasn't enough for you was it!?" He screamed as I brought the knife down as hard as I could.

"This isn't even half of what you did to me! Do you know how much hurt, how much agony I was in?! Do you know how angry, how shamed you made me! So after all of that, you still came back for more!? And you did it in front of Usagi-san! I won't forgive you, Kazuki," The knife was raised high, "So here's your reward you bastard!" I brought the knife down on his pelvis, he screamed in agony, his face twisted in fear and pain.

It was then when I took the key and left him, I unlocked Usagi-san who embraced me tightly. He began to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Telling me he was sorry for not trying hard enough to escape, telling me he loved me over and over.

The door was knocked down, a swarm of police officers came rushing in along with paramedics. Someone from down the hall must've called, they carried Kazuki away, removing the knife before shoving him forward.

The paramedics pulled me away from Usagi-san and into the ambulance, Usagi-san followed he held my hand till we reached the hospital. He held my hand when they did tests and took blood.

And for the whole while, I couldn't let his hand go. Through the pain, when he told me it would be ok, I felt truly loved.

Through the fear of facing Kazuki again, he still held me and told me sweet nothings.

~!~!~Usami!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

They sent us home that night, saying that despite his trauma, Misaki would be ok. They gave him pain killers and anxiety medication, just in case. I carried him inside in my arms, he seemed fragile for a minute, like a child who lost his way.

"Usagi-san…" He held onto my shirt tightly, shaking slightly.

"Shh, it's ok, it's ok," He relaxes a little, but doesn't let go. His emerald eyes looked up at me, and for a second I didn't know what to do.

"Don't leave me," He whispered, his voice was hoarse and shaky. I set both of us on the couch before pulling him closer.

"Never planned on it," I say kissing his forehead.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Ok then, sorry to leave you guys with such a cliffy on the Egoist's. I do hope you like this chapter, it's taken me a while to make, I'm not sure it's the best but I hope it's still good. Please review and I'll try to give this a happy ending and make one chapter with the Terrorist. Love that couple, I don't care if people think it's weird, I believe it's beautiful…in a…sadistic kinda way….

REVIEW~


	13. Hospital And Bedrooms

I walked into Hiro-san's hospital room, it had a stale smell like all the other hospital rooms do. The walls, the curtains, the sheets, the pillows all were white. And Hiro-san being as pale as he was the white only made him look sickly. I sat on one of the uncomfortable chairs that they give visitors, and held him hand. His skin was cold, but it was improving. He had been asleep for a long while, the nurses had given him a sedative so he wouldn't be in so much pain.

I didn't know what to think when his mother came rushing in. She was obviously shaken and fearful when she saw he son passed out and hooked on several IV's.

"Hiroki…" She placed a hand on her mouth, tears immediately welled up in her eyes. I doubt she even noticed I was there.

"Mrs. Kamijou-"

She walked passed me and sat on the edge of the bed, she took his hand and began to pet it lightly.

"I don't want to hear it if it's bad news. Just tell me my little boy will be ok," My voice was caught in my throat. I couldn't tell her that her son was unstable at the moment. I couldn't tell her it was my fault. I don't even know how to tell a patient's mother that their child is in the hand of fate.

"Mrs. Kamijou…I…I know Hiro-san…He's…we're friends, close friends…I work here at the hospital, and…and right now he's unstable…but…but I know…" I cover my own mouth, tears leaked out, cascading down my cheek to the floor.

"Hiroki will be fine when he wakes up," I heard her say finally. I looked and saw her smiling at me warmly.

"It's a mother's instinct, but I know he'll be ok," She said turning back to Hiro-san. She leaned down and pecked his forehead, like all mother's do to soothe their children.

"He's told me about you, Nowaki-san. He talks about you a lot, whenever I call the first thing he'll want to talk about is you. He tells me that you're his roommate but," She turned to me again smiling, "But I know that it's more than that. Am I correct?"

I nod dumbly.

"I see," She glanced at Hiro-san then back at me, "Just continue to take care of my son, he deserves that."

I think it was around that time when I lost it. I didn't cry. I never cried. Only when one of my children patients die is when I do cry, and not even around Hiro-san. But this time, I fell to my knees and cried. I couldn't tell her it was my fault. My fault that Hiro-san was hurt. I can't tell a mother that. But the look in her eye told me that she forgave me. Why?...Why Hiro-san did you have to be in the room when I cried? Why did your mother have to be there when I was the most devastated at that point?

~!~!~ Usagi-san!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Misaki came out of the bathroom fully dressed, his hair was still a bit damp.

"Misaki," I move towards him, taking his hands and putting them on my shoulders, "are you coming to bed?"

His already red face, nods and tightens around me as I pick him up. His legs wrap around my waist as I carry him to the bed.

"Usagi-san," He asks as I lay us both down, I nuzzle his neck taking in his sweet scent, "Usagi-san," His hands thread into my hair.

"Shh, Misaki," I coo as I kiss his neck.

"Usagi-san!" He pushes me back, his breathing suddenly ragged, his body shakes from under me. His eyes wide, and his once red face now pale.

"Please," He says finally, his hand on my shoulder, "j-just give me a moment. Please," Guilt runs through my body, his head bowed and his hands shaking. I take one of his hands and bring it to my lips.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, wrapping my arms around him. He does the same, still shaking, he tells me he loves me.

"Usagi-san," He asks me as we crawl under the comforter, wrapping our arms around each other. I look at him, his emerald green eyes looking away from me nervously.

"Will…will I ever be the same," He looks at me now, his eyes begging for an answer. I smile, as warmly as I can and brush a stray strand of hair from his eyes.

"I believe so, you're strong. And I'll be with you through it all," I lean down and peck his head, "I promise."

!~!~Misaki!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Usagi-san kisses my head, assuring me that I'll be better with time. It's hard to believe him when I feel this way. I still feel his hands on me, but when I hear Usagi-san's voice it's like it vanishes. He tells me that I'll be ok, that he'll help me through it all.

I want to believe him, I want to trust him. To know that when he touched me, it was him not Kazuki.

Kazuki. His name keeps coming up like a song on a broken record player. And I'm tired of this. This anxiety, this fear, this hurt. He's gone, he can't hurt me anymore. I made sure of it. Now I want my life back, I want to move on and live a life without him.

I sit up, Usagi-san looks at me worried.

"Misaki," I get on top of him, straddling his lap. I pressed my lips against his, surprised to find him not kissing back I moved to his neck. Kissing his neck, then going down to his chest.

Suddenly I felt two arms grab my shoulder and pull me up.

"Stop," He tells me sternly, his eyes serious. His arms wrap around me, "Stop it. I can't watch you force this." I jerk away from him.

"I'm not forcing this!" My voice raised slightly, "I'm just tired of being afraid. I'm tired of people treating me like porcelain. I'm not fragile, and I'm tired of feeling his hands!" Usagi-san's eyes widen a little bit.

"I don't want to feel him anymore, I want to feel your hands, your body. Not his, but it can't happen unless you stop being so gentle to me. I want you to touch me, please-" I found myself on my back, my arms pinned to the side of my head.

"Do you think this is easy for me? I want to touch you, but I don't want to hurt you. And it's hard to hold something as precious as you without breaking you. I love you Misaki, but if you continue this I don't know if I'll be able to hold back. So if you really, REALLY want this, tell me now." He leans down till his breathe is ghosting over my lips.

"Please Usagi-san, I want this. Please," Our lips meet tenderly, his hands move from my wrists to my waist. Pushing me up to meet his hips, grinding with my own. I moan as our erections move against each other.

"Usagi-san," I breathe out, his lips went from my own lips, to my neck. He kissed my neck before sucking on it viciously, obviously leaving a bruise. He moved downward to my nipple, sucking on it briefly before going to the other one.

"Misaki,"

"No, no don't ask me if I'm fine. I want this, please continue." I beg as he grabbed my erection. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, his hand moved rhythmically, making my erection harder.

I felt a finger probing my entrance before pushing inside of me. Shallowly thrusting before another was added, my breaths came out in heavy pants. My face burned as a blush tainted my cheeks. My breath hitched as the third finger was added.

"Shh, Misaki," Usagi-san kissed me on the lips, our tongues danced as he thrust his fingers in and out of me. I moan loudly as my prostate is hit, making me feel pleasure for the first time in a long, long while.

"Usagi-san," I moaned, losing my breath. He pulls his fingers out and replaces them with his erection. This was the hard part, he grabbed my hand, assuring me as he slowly pushed inside. I couldn't breathe, flashes of Kazuki came flooding, and my body began shaking.

"Misaki," Usagi-san whispered, holding me tightly. Those flashes began to blur into nothing, my eyes focus on his face. His eyes gentle, and his smile assuring.

I nod my head, allowing him to continue. His thrusts started out shallow, and gentle but soon they increased. The shallow thrusts became harder, but still a bit gentle. His body caressed mine, our bodies moved together, making the friction between us increase.

Our breathes where heavy, whispering each other's names and sweet nothings. Soon our tempo increased, making the pleasure become blinding. I threw my head back as I spilled my essence, he did the same, cumming inside of me.

We collapsed together into a heap, his arms wrapped around me lazily. Our breathes where heavy along with our bodies. Usagi-san pushes himself us, pulling the blanket back over us. He pulled me close again, stroking my hair lovingly.

"Misaki,"

"Yes?"

"I love you," He kissed me full on the lips. I smiled a feeling of contentment overwhelmed me for the first time in such a long, long time. I wrapped my arms around him as well, and buried my face in his chest.

"I love you too, I love you so, so much," It was then that I realized that everything would be ok after this. Everything would slowly, but surely be put back into place. And when I woke up, I wouldn't feel alone again.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Ok two more chapters to go! The next one will either be about the egoist or the terrorist. I hope you guys liked this chapter I worked really hard on it. Oh and did anyone go to the anime convention here in Tennessee?


	14. Terrorist

~!~!Hiroki~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I woke to the sound of people talking, their words sounded muffled, and mixed between a male and female voice. My eyes felt heavy, and it took me a minute to open them. My vision is blurry, the main color I see is white. Am I dead? Did I save Nowaki? When did I die?

But soon my vision clears and I can see my mother and Nowaki talking.

"Mom…" My voice is raspy and rough.

"Hiro-chan!" She rushes over to me, hugging me gently but protectively. She brushes my hair with her hand, smoothing it out vigorously.

"My son, my little boy, my little boy," She whispered in a mothering tone. She pulled back, tears where streaming down her face. I couldn't tell whether they were happy tears or sad ones.

"Hiro-san," Nowaki said from behind my mother. She took a step and allowed him to hug me as well. His hug was tighter more possessive. "I love you, Hiro-san," He whispered to me.

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling secure in his arms. I moved away remembering my mother was in the room.

"She knows," He said as he backed off, I stared at him. Looking at him blankly, then at my mother. She smiled brightly.

"Hiro-chan, why didn't you tell me about Nowaki-san? He's such a doll!" She said ruffling his hair, which was a bit hard since he was much taller than she was. He laughed nervously, and scratched the back of his head.

"Thank you Mrs. Kamijou, I appreciate your compliment-"

"Why don't we go out to dinner some time?" She asked randomly.

"Mom, don't you think your-"

"You've been going out with him for six years, Hiroki! I want to get to know him!" She said whiningly.

This is going to be hell.

~!~!~!Shinobu~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! ~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

We were sent home early today because of the gun down at the college across the street. Miyagi's college. He was shaken up about the whole thing, I tried to comfort him. I hugged him whenever I got the chance, and told him I loved him till I thought he was sick of it. But I wanted to be ok, and I wanted his co-worker to be ok, no matter how annoying it is to walk in on them constantly.

Hiroki-san was found, he was ok luckily. Miyagi said he was out of it most of the time so they would send him home.

"He's been through a traumatic occurrence, it shouldn't have been him. If anything it should have been me," I kept hearing it throughout the whole ordeal. I gave him my support, I made two lunches most of the time, and never did I say how uncomfortable it got. I maybe possessive, I will admit to that, but when the person you love, is always talking about another man it just gets a little awkward after a while.

I kept my mouth shut, I stayed with him when he was angry, upset, sad, guilty. That was when they didn't know where he was. But the emotions remained when he did return. Guilt and sadness I would understand, but everything else was a bit confusing to me. Again I was quiet about it. I didn't want him to get angry like he had done before, it wasn't because I was intimidated, it was annoying seeing him pitch a fit about another man and how selfish and greedy I am.

So I confronted him about it.

"It's been a month, he's fine, you're fine, everyone is fine Miyagi! Why can't you move on?"

"It was my fault, I should have done something!" That's another one I heard the most.

"Miyagi thing happen! Ok!? You didn't do something about it, and you couldn't! What happened, happened! He's alive now, he's working, he's not harmed, and he's moved on! So why the hell is it so fucking hard to move on! There was NOTHING you could have done! So please, please for not just me but for us…just move on…" That wasn't the best thing to say, I could have said it better. Because he blew a gasket afterwards.

"Move on! I can't move on! It was MY FAULT! It was my fault that he was hurt! Not physically but mentally! And did you know that he's gone to therapy! Did you know that he's hurting himself! You may think it's all about you but wake the fuck up, Shinobu. I'm concerned about someone who is precious to me! I'm so fucking sorry you hate it but get the hell used to it!" That hurt. I was silent after that, I think he knew I was hurt.

"I can't get used to you talking about another man constantly. I'm very sorry I'm not your ideal person, but I am a person. A person who loves you, and if you care about that, about any of this. Then please, move on. I know it won't be today, it won't be a week from now. But at least attempt to move on, or else…"

"Or else what?"

"Or else I'll have to," I left after that. It was late, so I just walked around. He called me, several times. I never answered. I felt hollow, I felt like I had become a burden on him.

I don't know how long I was out, but I do know that I wasn't home till the sun began to rise. I walked back around six o'clock in the morning. Not planning on going anywhere for the rest of the day. He was in my house, sleeping on the couch.

I shook him awake, he shot up and grabbed me by my collar.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked coldly.

I shrugged him off, going to the bedroom. He followed me, I began to remove my coat and scarf and the rest of my clothes.

"Where were you?" He asked calmly.

"I went for a walk," I said emotionlessly, putting on a plain white T-shirt.

"No one goes for a walk for eight fucking hours, now please tell me where the hell you went." I glared at him.

"I went for a walk around the city. Lost all track of time and then came back, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't fuck anyone. So don't throw around mindless accusations." I said picking up my clothes and taking them to the laundry room.

"Look, I'll understand ok? I know-" I cut him off my slamming my fist into the wall.

"Just shut up…ok…please, just shut up…" I said through gritted teeth. I didn't look at him, I didn't say anything.

"Shinobu-"

"NO! Ok, I have dealt with your little pity party for long enough! 'It's my fault, I should of done something,' I'm SICK OF IT!" I began to push him as I yelled till he was out the door. "Don't come back until you're done with feeling sorry for yourself! I've put up with it for long enough, so finish it up and come home when you are!" I slammed the door before he could say anything.

I leaned against the door, listening to his receding foot steps. I slid down the door till I hit the floor, I drew my legs up to my chest and buried my face in my knees.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to come back. I figured he was done with me, that he'd find another love.

A week passed and I went to school preparing for finals. I wanted to study so I invited my friend, Aaron over. We had met in Australia and attended a lot of classes together. He helped me with some of my English phrases, and we became close.

He was tall, six foot four, broad shoulders, tan skin, light blonde hair, and oceanic blue eyes. We had never been together like that except for once at a drinking party off campus. We had both managed to get drunk and stumbled to his apartment, we woke up naked in his bed. Neither of us remember it, so we agreed to keep it to ourselves.

He came over at my house a seven, we agreed to order in. We studied for two hours before ordering dinner, we watched some TV shows, had some laughs. It was fun, and for a little while I didn't feel tense or awkward. Not like I did around Miyagi.

"Hey, Shinobu how's that…oh who was it…Miyagi! That's his name, what's with you and Miyagi?" He asked looking at me curiously.

"We're…fine…why?" He looked at me suddenly seriously.

"You haven't been acting yourself," He muted the TV. "I figured you'd be ok, but you haven't. So what's going on?" I sighed.

"It's nothing, just one of those things that'll figured itself out." I say going to the door, I paid the delivery boy and came back inside.

I set the food out on the table with the chopsticks. Aaron and I sat down, the feeling suddenly tense.

"Shinobu," He looked at me with all seriousness, "If you ever, ever need anything, a place to stay or something, just tell me." He moved a little closer.

"Aaron…I like you but…but I can't do that to Miyagi," I tell him, knowing where this is going. He smiled at me but backed off.

"He's lucky," I look back at him.

"How so," I mumble miserably, I jumped when he put a hand on my cheek making me look up at him.

"Because you're special…you're…beautiful," I don't know if it was the heat of the moment, or the way he whispered those words. But our lips locked for a few minutes, and soon we found ourselves on the couch, making out. His tongue glided against mine, his hand ran through my hair, deepening the kiss.

I felt a sudden coldness in my chest, and pushed him back, feeling a wave of disgust rush through me. I jumped away from him, wrapping my arms around myself not able to face him.

"Shinobu, what's wrong," He moved closer to me, his voice sounded truly concerned.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I can't do this, I can't do this to Miyagi…" I hear him sigh, then suddenly he spun me around and was about to push his lips against mine, he had leaned forward to kiss me but I managed to push him off.

"I told you no! Damnit Aaron, I can't do this! Not to-"

"Shinobu…" I froze, before turning to see Miyagi at the doorway. I swallowed and tried to straighten myself out.

"Aaron…please leave, and I'll see you tomorrow," He nodded and left, passing Miyagi as he closed the door.

We both stood there for a while in silence before one of us spoke.

"I don't want us to end…"

"Neither do I," Miyagi walked closer to me and grabbed my hand. I felt guilt run through me instantly.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, pulling my hand back.

"There's no need to be sorry, I saw it all. And I'm proud of you brat," He ruffled my hair affectionately.

"Don't be…," I moved away from his touch. "I kissed him…I didn't want to, I…I just…" I felt him wrap his arms around me.

"I know…Shinobu…Hiroki, he was…he was shot yesterday at the school. I went to see him,"

~!~!~!THE FLASHBACK NO ONE KNEW ABOUT~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Miyagi walked into the stale white room where Nowaki and Mrs. Kamijou sat at Hiroki's bedside. He was awake and well, looking at the literature professor in wild shock.

"Miyagi? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hiro-chan! Don't be rude to your guest!" His mother scolded, making him shrink back a little.

"Uh…Kamijou…I was wondering if I could talk to you…in private…" Miyagi said nervously.

Nowaki eyed him suspiciously, but left along with his mother.

"Miyagi, is something wrong?"

"I was worried about you. I heard that you where shot, and that you were sent to the hospital. But I wanted to make sure you were really ok." Hiroki sighed.

"I'm fine, I'm in a little pain but it's fine." A few minutes of silence passed. "How's Shinobu?"

Miyagi flinched a little, and turned away from the brunette.

"I don't know, he moved out a week or so ago."

Another silence.

"…Miyagi,"

"Ye-OW FUCK!" He yelled when a book came in contact with his nose.

"Why the hell are you here when you don't even know if Shinobu is ok!? Are you fucking stupid!?"

"I came to make sure you were alright and you throw a book at me!?"

"Go find him and make sure he's ok!"

Miyagi looked down.

"Move on." Hiroki said. "Don't beat yourself up over what happened. I'm fine now, and now Shinobu needs you. So you better go find him, or you might lose him,"

~!~!~!~END FLASHBACK!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"I thought about what he said and found you. One of your friends gave me your address." He moved away for a second, "I'm going to move on. And I want you to be there when I do, will you move back in with me?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt happy, content in a way. It was ok now, everything felt calm after the storm.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Ok I hope it didn't suck to bad, we've had TCAP down here so updating has been just a little hard. Please review!


	15. Love

Love is a fragile, yet strong thing. It can bend and it can break. It can make you hurt, and it can make you happy. Love is something magical, it's a dark passionate magic that casts it spell on the unexpected. And even when the look of beauty is different in one's eyes than it is in the other, it's love is beautiful.

And though love may not always last a lifetime, it can bring you the pain of a lover, and warmth of a love. It can hold you like a child, and it can drop you like a stone. It's weird and odd in many ways, and no matter how much I type I can't fully explain it's real purpose. But it is real, and it is wonderful. And it has its ups and its downs but it's love.

I can't explain the pain of losing a love, for it is too painful. I can't explain the warmth of a lover's embrace, for it is too magical, and wondrous to explain. But I can tell you, that the look in someone's eyes always brightens when they're holding their loved one.

Not all love is a fairytale that makes everything come true. It has unexpected turns and bumps. It's the feeling in your gut you get when you're next to that person. It's the tender kisses and warm hugs. It's the night when you feel safe in their arms. It's the day you don't want to end. It's the life you want to live forever.

It is love, no matter the distance, the world, or the life. Love is love, so let be. Whether it is through God's eyes, or your eyes, let love live and embrace the coldest of hearts.

Thank you all my wonderful reviewers, if I can I'll try to come up with a sequel or another story shortly. And I'm very sorry to those who I didn't reply to.


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